#Fridayflash ~ Rabid

'Welcome to the city of lost parents - we will take care!' says the sign.

“I don’t know if we’re doing the right thing. Will they really be happy here?” I ask as we watch rabbits fester through torn tents.

A lady screams and something with curls, a red nose, and lots of white face paint chases her down the street on stilts.

“I already told you, the whistling deer head said they’ll be taken care of. I bet that lady was playing with the clown.”

“I don’t know. Perhaps we should just let them go in the country,” I say and turn to our duct taped parents in the backseat.

“It’s too late,” Greg says as the clowns open the passenger doors and snatch our parents away.

*Some of you will recognize this work previously published on my six sentences blog site . Thanks for reading again!The blog is going wonky. Sorry if the colors are strange and disturbing.

#Fridayflash ~ Tea Time With Warthog

Beached Whale smiled at me. “Now, Raymond, sit and drink your tea. Soak up the sun while you wait for your grandmother. We all know sun does a body good.”

I placed my paws in my lap and let the red tea lobster.

“Raymond, drink your tea, you know how it makes your grandmother if you don’t. Besides, she pays to keep you out of the…facilities. A grandson should appreciate…” Beached Whale spouted on. I put my paws over my ears. Despite my keen sense of hearing, I couldn’t hear her anymore.

Beached Whale objected and hustled behind me. Her mighty girth and fatty smell won. “Raymond, put your dog gone hands down.” I relented and put my paws over my nose instead. Beached Whale smelled bad.

“Quiet yourself, Myrna. I can hear your blubbering from the house.” Warthog approached, ugly, wrinkly, and grey around the edges.

“Mrs. Whirlse, I’m afraid Raymond isn’t feeling up to tea today. The doctors say that-”

Warthog raised two fingers in the air silencing Beached Whale. She lifted the seat of her black skirt and sat on the edge of her chair. She glanced at me and rolled her eyes. “Raymond, why is your hands over your nose?”

Beached Whale and I exchanged glances. “Raymond, put your hands down and drink your tea.”

Beached whale smiled her fishy grin, so l left my paws where they were. Stupid, smelly Beached Whale.

Warthog sighed and motioned for Beached Whale to put two lumps in her tea. “I’m afraid, Raymond, if you continue to be uncooperative we’ll have to let Dr. Smith give you the electrical treatment again.” Warthog gave me the Evil Grin.

My pulse sped. The electrical treatment was not good. Not good at all. It made me angry. I lifted my upper lip. “Grrrr…grrr….” I said, baring my sharp teeth to let Warthog know I was serious.

“Oh my.” Beached Whale wrapped her arms around herself and stepped back. “Shall I get Kitty?”

I stood up and put my paws on the table. I snapped at Warthog.

“Tell Kitty she is needed immediately in the garden.”
As Beached Whale heaved off, Warthog’s eyes met mine and I sat down. Sneering. Waiting.

“Raymond? You barking off again?” I snapped my head towards the sultry voice and let my tongue loll out.

Kitty’s curvaceous figure sashayed through the garden gate, racing my pulse in ways different from a moment ago.

“Kitty, he’s growling at me again,” said Warthog.

“Aw, Mrs. Whirlse,” Kitty bent to my face giving a good helping of cleavage, “I’m sure Raymond didn’t mean it. Did you, Raymond?”

Kitty’s eyes teased me. I wagged my tail. I nodded my head. I panted. Kitty smiled. I smiled back.

“You wouldn’t want to be punished would you?”

I panted harder, letting drool roll down my chin.

“I don’t think you’ll have anymore problems with growling today, Mrs. Whirlse.”

Kitty stood and patted my head. “Good doggie.”

That’s what she said last night when I made her purr.

“Now, drink your tea or else…” Warthog sat on the edge of her chair looking warty and hoggy.

Beached Whale stepped back and whispered to Kitty, “He’ll need the treatment again.” Kitty ignored her.

I looked at my teacup and lifted it in both paws. I glanced up at Warthog. She bent over the table observing my every move. I raised the cup to my nose, whiffed, and looked at Warthog again. She stared back. Challenging me.

I farted.

“That’s enough!” Warthog slammed down her teacup.

I tipped my head back and poured tea down my throat.

“Good, Raymond,” said Kitty.

I put down the cup. Warthog stood. She raised her nose and assessed me like a doctor would a patient. “You may stay. Tea tomorrow. Same time. If you don’t drink tea you know the consequences. Kitty? Come.”

Kitty followed Warthog out of the garden leaving me with Beached Whale.

“You’re despicable…” she began. I put my paws over my ears and thought about petting Kitty tonight and tea with Warthog tomorrow.



(previously published at The New Absurdist)