Dear Editors of The New Flesh,
Sadly, You accepted my story Adventures of My Little Carnivorous Pony based on the premise that this was a good story. Sadly, you’ve even included it in your Free New Ebook Collection of New Flesh’s first year. Sadly, I’ve come to realize that it ISN”T a very good story, because you see, I was mislead about what the conflict actually was. I thought My Little Carnivorous Pony was conflicted in the sense that if she remained true to herself, she wouldn’t blend into the ‘norm’ and wouldn’t have friends. If she gave up being herself, everyone would like and play with her. Unfortunately and apparently, this isn’t really what the story was about.
I’ve decided to stop writing. I’m a disgrace. A loser. A REJECT for crying out loud. I’m a mere Jungle Jane, not a Jungle George. The leotards were so tight that, apparently, sadly, and unfortunately, I can’t even UNDERSTAND my own stories, at least according to this reject letter below, which I received before The New Flesh editors accepted Adventures Of My Little Carnivorous Pony.
I will sit at my computer and cry. I will ask myself in the dead of night whether I truly am a writer, and keep Wishing. Wishing that I could be like the other awesome, cool, amazing, writers that made it into the awesome, cool, amazing New Flesh’s Free Ebook that anyone can download completely free by clicking Here. Here. And Here.
Thank you for the very kind, though, misguided words. And I’m sorry. Again.
Sincerely,
Jodi MacArthur
Ps. Got smurfs?
Ppss. Long Live The New Flesh!
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Dear Jodi MacArthur,
Thank for your submission to Xxxxx Xxx Xxxxxxx. I regret to inform you that we are unable to use it at this time. I like the concept, although the use of My Little Pony and Smurfs concern me a bit since those are trademarked characters. Of more concern, though, nothing is actually resolved during the course of the story -- the pony is carnivorous and sad because she has no friends, then she eats a smurf. A resolution to her friendless situation would be necessary for this piece to feel complete. -- Xxxxxxx Xxxxxxxx Xxxxxxxx
We wish you good luck in placing the story elsewhere.
Sincerely, All of us at Xxxxx Xxx Xxxxxx
Disclaimer: I am not dogging the magazine that sent me the reject (in fact, it was very kind of them to send me their personal thoughts). It's more about treasuring The New Flesh, because they give a home for stories that don't fit anywhere else.
32 comments:
lunatic
... meant in the nicest possible way, of course. I wonder what's in the water at that other place. At least it means you appear in the pages of The New Flesh, and this ebook. Who knows, TAOMCLP might have disappeared into obscurity.
Sean
Wry, Jody... Very very wry... And well done.
~Ant
Sean- Who you callin' Lunatic, Mister! Draw them guns. And you are right, I am SO proud to have the story in William Pauley III's The New Flesh along with yours and so many other awesome stories. And no the other place is doing very well. I actually send them my weirdest pieces to tick them off, so this probably isn't fair. ;-D
Anthony- Thanks, buddy. ;-)
Smurf Eater!
You really are awesome... though the concept of ANY blue food, trademarked or not, creeps me out... I hope you grabbed two beers, and took a ride on the slide instead...after setting someone's hair aflame...Napalm as a second language. --J
Eh? What happened? It got rejected then accepted? My tired brain can't handle sarcasm this morning.
That's hysterical, Jodie! The story I have in there, Demons and Acid Don't Mix, had been rejected elsewhere too, but not as politely as yours. Mine just said "there's nothing funny about the devil." (??!) I must have struck a religious nerve...
You have such an awesome way of promoting books!
This is why I love you so much Jodi. You crack me up! Congratulations....I think. :)
And Laura, who in the world told you the devil isn't funny? Did they not even READ your story? Hello!
That's pretty funny (or sad, depending on your POV). And carniverous ponies are awesome, and the devil is nothing but funny.
There's no resolution to the story??
"Why don't I have friends?"
(eats smurf)
... I'd call that "conclusive"
Funny thing - I saw this post on my "text only" phone - and I saw the name of the market. I'm 1 for 6 there myself, and I give you kudos for the balls to mix this story and that market. (I have a feeling that, though they're a good site, anything remotely "bizarro" is lost on them.)
'Grats on the spot in the e-Book (all THREE spots actually!!)
Too funny!! Great promo! What do they know? You're never a reject in my book.
Jeanette Cheezum
Jodi,
First let me say that the title of this blog entry made my heart skip a beat! So glad that it turned out to be a clever slap-in-the-face to markets who don't appreciate us weirdos. :)
You are awesome and you will always have a home with THE NEW FLESH.
And Laura, the Devil is probably the funniest fucking thing that I can think of. haha!
III
Also, this has me wanting to read the rejection letters of other stories before they were published by THE NEW FLESH. Maybe we should start posting them after the stories, as we publish them? That would be pretty entertaining. :)
Eh. Nobody's perfect, and even good editors make mistakes. Congratulations on placing the story.
I, for one, am looking forward to a sequel. An uprising of vengeful Smurfs vs. Carnivorous My Little Ponies. Perhaps some Care Bears will join in the mix?
Stay the course, clearly you are loved by many.
Brian Barnett
You all are so great and wonderful! Thank you for the good spirits and love you bring.
Laura E's reject is pretty funny. Oh man!
And Chris! HA. Thanks for the heads up on the text only phone- I thought everything was thoroughly whited out. It's all Xxx's AND whited out now. Thanks for the props. And yes, they are good people there. We just don't think the same, which is why I appreciate the New Flesh editors.
III, Brian (and Suzie for when she was there)- Thanks for providing a home for us weirdos. I think posting previous rejection letters with the stories is a GREAT idea (minus the market name). Obviously, not to dog the market, but for entertainment purposes. ;-)
Very funny, and very happy in the ending sort of way! I LOATHE My Littlest Pony and Smurf, so any outtake on them would win in my ezine. Had I one... And I have been HAULING in rejection letters lately, so perhaps I'll check out TNF. Though I have a feeling my stories are too tame for them. Peace...
I love you Jodi!!!! You are... simply put...brilliant.
Long live the New Flesh!!!
Wonderful stuff Jodi! Congrats on finding a place where you (and your smurfs) are appreciated. What's the status of your novella btw?
I like the glaring grammatical error in the third sentence of this Editor's reject letter.
Sally Mander
What? An editor not understanding a piece of writing? My innocence is lost...
It's called humor. And booze. And I loved the damn Smurfs.
Your post title got me worried woman. I mean, I know you're working on a novel and all, so it didn't make any sense. Then I read the letter and all was clear. :P
Congrats on having The Little Carnivorous Pony pubbed! It's a cool story, with the remarks of the rejection and all. ;)
John Wiswell was viciously lambasting ;) editors a while back as part of a Mad Utopia writing contest, because certain editors were, in his opinion, needlessly pedantic about what they wanted to see submitted to their, often for S&G, no-fee publications.
God knows I hate editors, and publishers, and agents, as much as the next guy, but, oh and other writers, but editors have a vision, don't they? It isn't an easy job. You can't put together a publication with stories you don't "get". And imagine having to deal with all those egos?
I'm lucky. I don't have an ego, so that makes me better than everyone else.
Sally Mander- Who are you, woman? And how is that writing club going. Did you join up?
Suzie- I love you too! Long live The New Flesh.
Linda, Chris- Thanks you two! And yes, if you have anything quirky and strange send To New Flesh, they think outside the box. Chris, I'll write and fill you in.
Alec- Thanks for stopping by. And in All Due Respect, I hope you find it. ;-)
Xpm - Damn right. And how did you know I was drinking when I posted this? ;-
Mari- Love ya girl. If you don't know me by now... Hugs, Mari. You should write something weird and send it to... you know where.
Anton- I kinda sorta get the feeling you didn't read the whole post here. Which is fine, no one is entitled too. I actually love editors. Many are some of my best writing pals. Good luck with the being better than everyone else... thing.
Hmm, I think I have the perfect flash for them, heh.
Not as weird as your pony, but I think it'll do. ;)
Jodi I was confused but amused, a bad combination!!!
This made me laugh so much! Loved it all. I remember that story well - as soon as I saw the title on the New Flesh dashboard, I just knew it was yours. That's all it needed, and I found it complete and fulfilling!
Congrats.
Hey Lynn! How are you, girl? Now I would think that was a good combination. ;-)
Erin- glad to give you the giggles, and I had to laugh in return. Your work is like that for me too. You can strip the title and the author, and I'd be able to tell it was an Erin Cole story. Thanks, Hon!
I keep running into things that I thought I commented on. Congrats on the pub, Jodi, and on publicizing it so amusingly. You really seem enjoy that New Flesh. Never let it get old.
Thanks, John. :-)
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